Becoming Financially Independent from Passive Aggressive Drama

I’ve been looking around online for ways to earn income that didn’t require as much of my time and energy as a full time job does and found something you may want to check out.

This guy, Robert G Allen, is giving away free books again. He did this a year or so ago and I got his “Multiple Streams of Internet Income” book completely free. Amazing that he can do that! But I’m going to take advantage of it again and thought I’d share it with you, too, in case you’re interested.

Click here for the free books.

I hope the PA drama in your neck of the woods is quiet for you today.
Take care,
K

My Best Friend Bailed in Frustration

We were both newly weds living in the same apartment complex across the pool from each other and quickly became close friends. When the time came for us to start our families, she was the first one to get pregnant. We both had a strong commitment to being the best moms possible. Oprah was a big part of our lives during those parenting years. Through her show she provided us with a great deal of invaluable support and information on parenting and marriage / relationships.

When our families were still young, our husbands jobs took us to different parts of the country. But we still talked on the phone every day and even traveled to a mid-point city 2 or 3 times a year to spend time together shopping and playing. Our husbands liked each other, but had very different interests, so they were never as close as we were. They always stayed home with the kids. GIRL TIME!! It was great!

Unfortunately, over the years her patience with my PA drama grew thin. She became more and more frustrated with me for not walking away or somehow putting a stop to the reoccurring pattern so I could finally achieve my dreams without constantly being sabotaged every time I got close.

She basically closed the door on our friendship a few short years ago. She said she’d always be there for me if I needed her in an emergency, but that was all. She was tired of the merry-go-round. Tired of seeing her best friend hurt over and over and still staying around for more.

That was one of the most painful losses of my life.

Opinions? Please share them with me.

Tears Shed Over Lost Dreams and Friendships

I’ve had a difficult time walking down memory lane since my last post. I started out making a list of specific times when other people tried to make me aware of the passive aggressive drama in my marriage. As I continued to dredge up those memories it became more and more depressing as the realization of what I had allowed myself to lose / give up over the years slowly came into focus. It was hard at first to even open my mind to exploring this part of the PA drama that’s been such a huge part of my life for so many years – the sacrifices made, shattered hopes and dreams, loss of friendships. But I determinedly pushed through the denial anyway, as difficult as it was, and things slowly began to come into focus in my minds eye.

The tears I cried over the years for those unnecessary sacrifices due to my husbands betrayals were many. But the tears wept this week during this process felt like tears of mourning for a life I could have had but for my own decisions.

Still, if I had it to do all over again, I don’t think leaving my marriage would have been the answer. There were too many good things our children were blessed with by having their father under the same roof 24/7 for their entire childhood that I wouldn’t want to take away from them. It’s a big part of what made them who they are – self confident, strong, intuitive human beings. They knew their father sabotaged me a lot. But they also knew he loved me in his own way. They saw my tears when the going got tough and they saw my tenacity through it all. They also saw that no one is perfect. That we all bring our life experiences to every relationship and situation.

I remember once when just the 3 of us, the kids and I, were having some bonding time. They were in their early 20’s and shared something with me their dad had done for years. He had set up a reoccurring scenario with them in which he played the hero by “protecting” them from me. For example, he would suggest they not tell me things, little things that didn’t amount to a hill of beans, so I wouldn’t get mad. Apparently it went on for years and years. He was trying to make my “mad” a scary thing to them, probably because it was so scary to him due to his own childhood experiences. But over the long haul it didn’t really hurt the kids or my relationship with them because they grew to know that my mad wasn’t ever as bad as their dad imagined it would be.

My determination to be the very best mother I could be led me to be a great communicator with them. Some of our best one-on-one bonding times were in the car without their dad. That’s probably the biggest thing that worked in my favor and theirs in spite of the PA drama going on around us. I worked very hard at building and maintaining our bond. At teaching them about human nature and how our past experiences can affect our decisions.

Please don’t think I’m trying to convey any semblance of “perfection” on my part because I’m far from it. I definitely came to the marriage and to motherhood with my own huge set of dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors. It’s just that I’ve been on a lifelong mission to become the best person I can before my time here is up. I still have a very long way to go, but I’ve also come a very long way.

K